What do you want to be when you grow up?
This is a question all of us answered at one or several points during our childhood. But, whenever I hear the above question now, what actually comes to mind first (as it has for over 16 years now) is the reply of our kindergartener neighbor whom I interviewed together with her twin brother for a speech pathology course I was taking then. Instead of ‘be’, however, I asked them what they wanted to ‘do’ when they grow up just to make sure they could still give me an answer even if they didn’t know what to call someone who holds a certain job.
“Gusto kong mag-walis.” (“I want to sweep”)
I smiled but I thought she didn’t understand my question, hence, I repeated it while citing some examples of what people do as their profession. I still got the same answer. At that point, I wanted to know more why.
“Masaya.” (“Fun”) That’s all she said with her smile.
Alhamdulillah, I was able to have a little chat with their mom after the interview so I took the opportunity to ask if she had any idea why their little girl wanted to sweep when she grows up. She looked clueless at first, then came a soft laugh as she explained to me that her kids often watch her every morning as she cleans and sweeps their garden while she sings to her heart’s content. At times, she would sing songs that would make them laugh or dance. MashaAllah tabarakallah.
That day, more than transcripts for my speech patho class, I came home with a truth that has often helped me reset myself as a parent now…
For a lot of parents, the current COVID-19 pandemic has given us additional tasks that can be quite overwhelming given our already full daily schedules prior to this global challenge. Aside from constantly and strictly cleaning our homes and immediate surroundings, most of us suddenly found ourselves as instant teachers to our new homeschoolers. Not to mention the worries about our economic stability as companies and businesses struggle to stay afloat, and the news about our families and friends’ health. Whether we know it or not, there is this self-imposed pressure to make sure that everything is going right, that everything is going as planned. As a result, we often find ourselves feeling tired, anxious, and yes, even losing patience with our children more easily.
What do we want to be when we grow up?
I am definitely sure none of us wanted to be someone who’d be juggling so many roles in a day, right? Yet, here we are. Parent one moment, employee the next. Sibling or child as we sort out some family matters before assuming the teacher role again when we face our little kids. The moment we leave our offices (or is it even before?), we shift from boss to spouse mode as we call to check if anything is needed at the grocery. The list of roles goes on. And, admittedly, we can find ourselves losing our purpose along the many shifts in a day that seem redundant and draining. We can find ourselves focused too much on making sure everything will go as planned that the fun, the joy, in doing what we’re doing is lost.
Breathe. Relax. Say, “Alhamdulillah.”
Yes, it is normal to want things to go as planned. Yes, it is normal to want everything to be right–especially now that we’re facing challenges. However, we also need to remember to hold on to the meaning, to the purpose, to the joy of living–not just for ourselves, but also for the little ones who look up to us and who learn from us how to handle life’s challenges.
“Gusto kong mag-walis.” “Masaya.”
I cannot help but imagine her admiring her mom with all of her heart and soul as she watched her gracefully clean their garden. The mother sings, then their eyes meet, then lips curl into smiles, and before you know it, there’s laughter and dancing. A seemingly ‘boring’ chore is held with so much value and wonder because of how it was being done and how it brought happiness, mashaAllah.
Time to ask ourselves: How are we executing our roles? What values and life skills are reflected in how we lead our lives? What’s our default settings for each role? What are we imparting to our children?
I know this is easier said than done. I know it is difficult to stay positive as we move from one role to another, especially because some roles are a lot harder than expected. However, there is also this truth that will always help us go back to fulfilling our roles positively:
We may have a basket of roles, but all these roles are held together by one role (think of it as the basket)–that of being a servant of Allah swt. Servant of Allah, Alhamdulillah. Do we feel blessed knowing that we could’ve been some other creation yet Allah willed that we’d be among mankind? Do we find our hearts thanking Him a thousand times over for allowing us to be Muslims? If yes, how is this gratefulness translated into action as we serve Him as a parent, as a boss or an employee, as a sibling, as a child, as a cousin or friend, and so many more? What are we teaching our children as servants of The Almighty?
Yes, it is normal to want everything to go as planned, but may we never forget to execute the plans with the right intentions and actions–always that of a servant of Allah swt, in shaa Allah. Afterall, intentions and actions are what we have; the outcome will always be His. Tawakkul, remember? To do our best in everything, then leave it all to Allah swt.
Servant of Allah. One who is blessed during both good and challenging times. One on whom Allah will never place a burden that is more than what s/he can bear. One whose heart is at ease knowing that Allah has control over our destiny. Servant of Allah. May we find our hearts smiling over this realization and find ourselves fulfilling our daily roles with patience and positivity. Ameen.
Allahumma Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanah wa fil akhirati hasanah
wa qina ‘adhabannar
(O, our Lord! Grant us good in this world, good in the hereafter and save us from the punishment of the fire)
Ameen.