“Eh you’re the one who’s making it (the reward) big.”
This was my daughter’s reply when I told her that perhaps her rewards in the akhira (the Hereafter) are much more than mine already because she started reading the Qur’an at an early age. It was actually my last attempt at motivating her to finish her daily one-page reading assignment because my patience was already running low.
It made me pause, subhanAllah.
I believe a lot of parents can relate to the reality that while we do make plans for ourselves, something always gets in the way. And while we may be able to have a quick “me time”, it almost always takes a lot of effort on our part to make the little ones give us that time, right? Not to mention the other responsibilities we have at home. It can really be overwhelming. And the idea that our own personal plans took (and are taking) a backseat can lead to frustration. I’m not able to accomplish anything! But then, she, in all her innocence, said, “Eh you’re the one who’s making it (the reward) big.” It made me remember how honored parents are in Islam, subhaanallaahi wa bihamdihi.
Have you ever realized how automatic it is for us to place ourselves in the background—so much so that we don’t even see ourselves in our children’s progress and successes? Yes, this auto mode may have its downside but before I talk about how to address that, let me just say that it can also be a means to protect our intentions, wallaahu a’lam. The love and compassion He’s placed within us make us think that what we’re doing is just for our children’s benefit when, in reality, He could be preserving our sincerity and helping us gain His pleasure through selfless acts to take care of those whom He’s entrusted to us.
Now, the downside of this auto mode for humans like us (Yes! We moms and dads are humans no matter how much our kids think of us as superheroes), whose faith fluctuates, is that we may feel like we’re not accomplishing anything. And this only stresses us out even more. The dangerous part is that we might abandon our plans altogether.
Breathe. Take a pause. Perhaps there’s a need to re-strategize and re-assess how we view things.
To avoid abandoning plans altogether, why not tone down plans for some activities which we’ve considered as the only acts of worship? I’m not saying choose the Qur’an over salah or vice versa. These are essentials. Let’s still perform these to the best that we can and as much as we can BUT also assess what you can realistically perform while taking care of the family. What’s your monthly Qur’an reading goal, for example? Continue to have a good plan, with faith that He will make things easy for you, but also be realistic by considering the time you need to focus on your child and work.
Another thing to consider is what we view as worship. With the right intentions, in shaa Allah all these seemingly meaningless acts that we do daily to keep our homes intact can count as worship also and, therefore, may gain us rewards, bi’idhnillah. There’s no point in trying to do so much to meet our original set goals while becoming grumpy, detached, and drained in the process. I’m behind my target, yes, but should I get frustrated? What did my daughter say again? SubhanAllaah.
You still might think worship just refers to salah, Qur’an reading, making du’aa and dhikr, and helping our children do all these things. However, it can also actually involve everything we do for them. I remember the hadith,
Abu Qatadah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, The best of what a man leaves behind are three: a righteous child who supplicates for him, on-going charity the reward of which reaches him, and knowledge that is acted upon after him. (Sunan Ibn Mājah 237)
When we reflect on this hadith, we must realize that everything we do for our children can help shape their character as righteous Muslims, bi’idhnillah. The conversations and play times, the prayer times (even when our khushoo most probably flew out the window with the dancing or laughter of those little muslims-in-progress beside us), the books we read with them, the assistance we give them in their lessons, the meals we cook for them, the shared naps and walks, the hugs and kisses, the halal income we spend on all that is halal, the time that we spend as well making sure we are taking care of ourselves (seriously, this will help them value self-care, too!), the intention and attitude we have when we do these home essentials—all these are critical. And you know what? All the good things we do as parents (with the right intentions) are also considered on-going charity and knowledge acted upon, in shaa Allah. Imagine being able to raise a righteous child who then influences others around him/her to stay on the Path and do good, in shaa Allah.
So pause and remember: we are accomplishing something meaningful daily by taking care of our family and by taking care of ourselves through realistic plans of actions—always for His sake.
May Allah swt accept all our efforts to care for our homes, guide and strengthen us in our quest to raise righteous Muslims, and grant us in Jannah a home with our families right next to our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam). Ameen.