It can be quite overwhelming to homeschool our children. It’s a buffet of emotions, really—only, we don’t get to pick the emotions. It’s more like they just jump right into our plates! Hence, having a Monthly Kumustahan—where we can talk to the school administrators and teachers to clarify or ask support for certain issues, and connect with and learn from other parents—is truly a welcome “reset” for us all.
Perhaps, having the monthly gathering in person would have a different feel to it, but doing it virtually especially with the ongoing pandemic has a lot of advantages, too. Not only are we able to observe the distancing measures and take a break from wearing masks, virtual gatherings also make it possible for a lot of us to join from our very own homes (and in comfy clothes!), thus saving ourselves from the dreaded traffic and even travel expenses. We also don’t need to worry about where or with whom to leave our children as we can still be with them in the same room—only that they get to busy themselves with their own different activities, Alhamdulillah.
Reflecting on my first Kumustahan experience, one thing was made clear: connection is important. Rightfully so, if I may add. This applies not just to parent-child relations, but also among homeschool parents themselves, and even between school staff and parents.
Parent-child relations. What makes homeschooling more stressful, humbling yet fulfilling is the fact that we are connecting with our beloved ones who’ve been entrusted to us by Allah swt. We cannot help but be emotionally involved. There is this tendency to put pressure on ourselves to do things right or to know everything—maybe it’s like an unspoken “I cannot afford to ‘screw up’ my child’s future” kind of self-pressure! (harhar!) I cannot help but agree with one of the father’s musing that perhaps all of us review or learn the lessons before our session with our kids. I must also admit that even when I have done my review, there are still questions to which I have no answer nor explanation. However, Alhamdulillah we realize that part of homeschooling is helping our children learn that it’s okay if things don’t turn out right the first time even when we’ve given our best because only Allah is Perfect and All-Powerful, and that it’s normal not to know everything because only Allah is All-Knowing. We realize that showing this imperfect side of ours doesn’t diminish our children’s love and admiration for us (nope, not one bit—and Alhamdulillah for that!). Rather, it deepens the mutual connection even more as our kids learn that it’s fine to find themselves in the same situation their parents/guardians were in earlier, and that it is safe to ask questions or express their fears to us, trusting that we understand them (because we’re basically the same imperfect, continuously learning beings) and that we will be there to help them, in shaa Allah. It deepens our connection as we learn to model patience and love for learning while trying to make things just the right amount of serious, interesting, and fun for them, then seeing them succeed and grow, maa shaa Allah, subhanAllah. Connection, indeed, is important as we move from the playful approach to a more structured, focused one while they level up. By investing in this connection, we find our kids trusting and listening to our instructions, rules, and recommendations more and more (and even acknowledging their lapses and apologizing when they fail to follow, in shaa Allah).
Connection also plays an important role in our relationship with our other children who are not homeschooling, and even in sibling relationships. Healthy connections are needed to help a family work as a team. And bidirectionally, working as a team helps deepen our connections as this also becomes a great opportunity for us to express our appreciation for their help while highlighting family essentials like love, trust, compassion, patience, forgiveness, and brotherhood, in shaa Allah. In shaa Allah, our children learn to help us and one another not because they ‘have to’ but because they ‘want to’, because they care for our family.
Homeschool parents/guardians. Admit it or not, sometimes there’s this “what am I doing?” or “am I making any sense?” moment which we think only happens to us but connecting with other parents changes this perception. The load suddenly feels lighter when you find a community of parents or guardians who are going through the same doubts, tears, fears, and joys, Alhamdulillah. Our why’s for deciding to homeschool come back. Also, in listening to their struggles and formulae for homeschooling success (perhaps sharing ours as well), we feel recharged and inspired in turn. We learn new strategies and look forward to implementing them ourselves. We are also reminded that we are all parents-in-progress—that it’s okay to take things slowly but steadfastly, in shaa Allah. We find ourselves cheering on and comforting one another—even with a simple virtual thumbs up or clap, Alhamdulillah.
School-parent relations. While homeschooling can be done without enrolling in an accredited school, we must admit that things become a lot easier by doing so because the school takes care of the submission of our children’s records to the Department or Ministry of Education. Not only that, with the right school (I say ‘right’ because some schools unintentionally make you feel left on your own due to their difficult-to-reach support staff), we find the much-needed support from teachers to tackle topics that we find difficult or confusing. They can also make resources available which helps us identify or narrow down what to use for our own children. (Honestly, there’s so much information out there that it can be quite overwhelming when deciding where to start and what to use!) Connecting with the right school addresses these issues because they guide us through each step while also providing much needed psychosocial support such as monthly gatherings or webinars, Alhamdulillah.
Times are tough, indeed; but through caring connections, we continue to grow and learn that we can actually thrive—in fact, we already are, Alhamdulillahi Rabbi’l ‘Alameen.
رَبَّنَا آتِنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ رَحْمَةً وَهَيِّئْ لَنَا مِنْ أَمْرِنَا رَشَدًا
Rabbanaaa aatinaa mil-ladunka rahmatanw-wa haiyi’ lanaa min amrinaa rashadaa
(Our Lord! Bestow on us mercy from Yourself, and facilitate for us our affair in the right way!)
Ameen.